Dream:
ex boyfriend (practically x-husband) asking me to come back. Actually assuming it was time to come back (we would tend to break up in summer and reignite for the winter months.)
For Samhain we'd keep each other warm.
Ever miss an x?
I mean, after YEARS?
I'm happily married, I picked the right one. Trust me I KNOW.
But every year,around this time,I have a day, where I just miss the other.
So much so that I have to put my head down.
That day; I'm used too, ready for.
But this year, boys and girls, my plate is full of missing.
Did I mention my cousin killed himself 10 days (on the anniversary of our grandmother's, my Father's mother's death) after my Dad's memorial.
Yeah re-read that.
Been drinking alot, too much. avoiding Samhain.
Avoiding ALOT
Avoiding
A Void Ing
Void
Samhain
ok, so reference back to August:
there really is no box.
seems that super wealthy Dad, had a blind spot:
me
my brother.
yep
you got it:
Nada,zip,ziltch,goose egg
ohh Samhain,
the void,
the time to release that which I do not want,
that which no longer serves me
dare I say, I feel some conflict
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Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
- Mary Oliver
stirring, tasting, stirring, sometimes drowning....
if you've seen Harold and Maude...
In Blackwater Woods
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
- Mary Oliver
Drowning Moon
Seastar
cauldron boil and cauldron bubble
tattoo musings
1 comment:
rose - hold my hand - grace
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