A Little Help From My Friends

Here's what a new friend of mine wrote in response to my brief "Acceptance entry"

"Acceptance in this situation indeed in MOST situations, is kind of like when you are wandering through the house, say, intent on going to the bedroom to get a pair of socks, and in passing a table you happen to look down and SEE that item or gizmo you KNEW was lost or misplaced somewhere inside the place... but you'd long since given up looking for."

As he is a new friend I did not lash out with my usual No-BS-Rose (an actual nickname of mine) retort. I do try to ease into the no hold barred truth with new friends, give 'em a chance to build up their calluses to my callousness! (yes,yes very clever)

Anyway, his metaphor made me cry. Not, I'm sure the way or reason that he may have intended.
See that metaphor described my ENTIRE relationship with my Dad. Forget the gizmo, I don't even have any socks anymore!
I keep getting condolence cards and phone calls from people who knew my dad at different points in his life. They tell me about what their common thread was, while I listen, dutifully, and then hang up and yell at my kids or husband or dog; because...
because I have spent my LIFE trying to weave that thread. Just an easy one, movies, books, f-ing food ANYTHING.

But what we had in common was sometimes being too much with this world.

I found a way (thru amazing friends,a career in a business that caters to humanity and all it's messy emotions, a nonjudgmental spirit path and considerable amount of therapy)to deal with that.

My poor dear dead father did not grow up in a world, social or career-wise, that allowed for that kind of nurturing exploration.

Maybe that's his legacy to me. Maybe, just maybe (and I mean maybe)I am, what he would have wanted to be.

Maybe I am his secret heart.


Goddess
I only wish that were true.