Anger

on the radio "Don't Give Up" Peter Gabriel Kate Bush. I gotta put my head down for a minute.

Ok Anger:
Here's how it's manifesting for me
1. Electronics- cell phones, ipods, anything with a f-ing battery because they keep dying at the most inopportune/ironic/ass kicking times. It is a wonder that they are not littering the roads as I grit my teeth and scream at them.
add that to,
2. I have been behind a. a dump truck or b. SUV driven by an old person; all going 20 miles an hour- ON EVERY ROAD I've been on, regardless of posted limit.
Probably a good thing tho, as I've developed a wee bit of a lead foot in my grief and anger.

Let's get down to it shall we:
The concept of anger has been drilled out of me as an actress- you don't play anger you recognize the the source of it (usually hurt) and play your character's response to it.

My Best New Old Friend, a really good actor, totally called me on that. He said "No, don't do that. Anger has it's place." Wow is he right (and yes my phone died in the middle of our conversation)
He talked about his parents deaths and how it simply makes no sense.
I've been thinking about that.
Sure there's the regret which I've previously expressed, things left unsaid. etc.
But it's more it's like the world is off.
Off kilter, tilted. Like gravity has been replaced, or displaced. There is no way to prepare for someone who is supposed to be immortal to go.
My ipod, even in shuffle keeps playing Hendrix "Castles in the Sand"
Even at 41 I guess a part of me thought, however delusional, that even when my dad died, I'd at least be able to call him now and then.
Not being able to makes me mad.
I guess that's anger.